I remember sitting in my friend Sarah’s apartment last year, staring at a kitchen island covered in dishes, papers, and random objects. She said she was ‘just busy’ and couldn’t find time to organize. But when I looked closer, I realized it wasn’t really about being busy – it was about how she’d built her relationship with possessions. That moment changed how I approach helping people with clutter.
When people ask me about clutter, they usually want to know how to get rid of things. But here’s what I’ve learned after working with dozens of clients over the past few years: clutter isn’t really about the stuff itself. It’s about our emotional attachment to objects, how we process information, and what we’ve unconsciously programmed ourselves to believe about ownership and control. Most guides miss this part because they focus on systems rather than psychology.
Why Clutter Becomes a Psychological Barrier
I’ve seen this pattern so many times that I can almost predict it. Someone gets a new job, moves to a new place, or starts a new phase of life and suddenly their home becomes a maze of half-finished projects, sentimental items they never use, and things they ‘might need someday.’ The thing is, it’s not about having too much stuff – it’s about having too much uncertainty. When we don’t know what to do with something, we keep it. When we’re afraid of letting go, we hold onto it. And when we don’t understand our own decision-making patterns, we create a cycle that’s hard to break.
I had a client named Mike who had been trying to declutter his garage for two years. He’d buy boxes, organize everything by category, then feel overwhelmed and give up. We finally discovered he’d never been taught to make decisions quickly about his belongings. His brain was constantly stuck between ‘keep’ and ‘throw away,’ which made him feel paralyzed. Once we shifted his mindset, he cleaned out 70% of his garage in one weekend.
How I Approach Clutter: A Different Perspective
Here’s what I’ve learned from working with people for over three years: instead of asking ‘what should I keep?’ ask ‘what does this item do for me right now?’ It’s a simple shift, but it changes everything.
First, I help people identify their ‘clutter triggers’ – those situations where they start collecting things they don’t need. For example, someone might collect magazines because they’re anxious about having nothing to read, or they hoard receipts because they’re worried about losing track of expenses.
Then we tackle the core issue: the decision-making process. Most people don’t realize they have a default rule that says ‘if I haven’t used it in six months, I’ll probably need it later.’ This rule is outdated and doesn’t serve them anymore.
I also look at their physical environment. If someone has a cluttered desk because they have no system for managing paper, it’s not just about organizing papers – it’s about creating boundaries around how they handle information.
The Mistakes I Made with Clutter Before Getting It Right
Back when I was trying to declutter my own home, I made the classic mistake of thinking it was about sorting and categorizing. I spent weeks organizing my clothes into neat piles and boxes, thinking I’d solved the problem. What I didn’t understand was that I was just postponing the real work.
I also made the mistake of trying to be perfect. I’d set up elaborate systems and then give up when they became too complex. I’d hear stories about people who could organize their entire house in a weekend and feel like I was failing.
The turning point came when I realized that I needed to change my relationship with objects, not just rearrange them. I started with small wins – just clearing one drawer, one shelf, one corner. I learned that progress isn’t about perfection; it’s about consistency. My biggest breakthrough happened when I stopped trying to control everything and started focusing on what I could let go of.
What Most People Get Wrong About Clutter
Here’s a truth that most guides won’t tell you: clutter isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s a sign of creativity, productivity, or even love. The problem isn’t clutter itself – it’s when clutter becomes a barrier to living well.
Most people assume that if they just get rid of everything, they’ll be happy. But I’ve seen what happens when someone throws away everything without understanding their relationship with objects. They end up feeling empty or anxious, like they’ve lost part of themselves.
Another misconception is that clutter only affects people who are disorganized. In reality, even the most organized person can fall into clutter patterns when they’re stressed, dealing with major life changes, or simply haven’t processed how they want to live yet.
And here’s the thing that really surprised me: clutter often shows up in the places where people spend the most time – bedrooms, kitchens, offices. Not because they’re lazy, but because these spaces are where they’re most vulnerable and most likely to accumulate things they don’t really need.
Choosing the Right Approach to Tackle Clutter
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to clutter, but I’ve found that people respond best to approaches that match their personality and lifestyle. Here are some key factors:
For people who are perfectionists: Focus on starting small and building momentum. Don’t try to organize everything at once.
For people who are overwhelmed by choices: Choose a simple rule like ‘if I haven’t used it in 6 months, let it go.’
For people who are emotionally attached: Work on identifying what each item represents to them, then consider whether they still want to carry that meaning.
For people who are time-poor: Look for systems that minimize ongoing maintenance, like designated spots for everything.
I’ve found that people who try to follow a rigid system without considering their own needs end up giving up. The key is matching the approach to the person, not the other way around.
Frequently Asked Questions About Clutter
• Q: How do I know what to keep vs. what to throw away?
Start with a simple question: ‘Does this bring me joy or serve a purpose today?’ If the answer is no, it’s probably time to let it go.
• Q: What if I’m worried I’ll need something later?
That’s a common fear. But ask yourself: ‘What’s the cost of keeping this item versus the cost of not having it when I actually need it?’
• Q: Is it normal to feel sad when getting rid of things?
Absolutely. It’s completely normal to feel some sadness when letting go of something meaningful. The goal isn’t to eliminate all emotion, it’s to reduce the emotional burden.
• Q: How long does it take to declutter?
It varies wildly. Some people can clear a room in a day, others take months. The key is consistency, not speed.
• Q: Should I hire someone to help with clutter?
Only if you’re genuinely overwhelmed and the emotional weight is affecting your daily life. Otherwise, starting with small steps yourself is more effective.
My Final Take on Clutter
The real secret to dealing with clutter isn’t in the systems or the methods – it’s in understanding that we’re all trying to create a life that feels manageable and meaningful. When we stop fighting against our relationship with things and start working with it, the clutter begins to fall away.
Here’s what I want you to remember: clutter is rarely about having too much stuff. It’s about having too many unresolved decisions, too many unprocessed emotions, and too little clarity about what you actually want to live with.
If you’re struggling with clutter, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, try asking yourself one simple question every time you see something you’re unsure about: ‘What would I choose if I were doing this for myself, not for anyone else?’ That’s often the key to making progress. And remember – you don’t have to fix everything at once. Just pick one small area and start there. You’ve got this.
The real secret to dealing with clutter isn’t in the systems or the methods – it’s in understanding that we’re all trying to create a life that feels manageable and meaningful. When we stop fighting against our relationship with things and start working with it, the clutter begins to fall away.
Here’s what I want you to remember: clutter is rarely about having too much stuff. It’s about having too many unresolved decisions, too many unprocessed emotions, and too little clarity about what you actually want to live with.
If you’re struggling with clutter, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, try asking yourself one simple question every time you see something you’re unsure about: ‘What would I choose if I were doing this for myself, not for anyone else?’ That’s often the key to making progress. And remember – you don’t have to fix everything at once. Just pick one small area and start there. You’ve got this.
